Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
