they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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