Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
