OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
