Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
