There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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