you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
