Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
