No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
