Porn is love you can see.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
