dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
