this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
