You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
