we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
