the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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