I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
