you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
