Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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