In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
