He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The feeling are messing with the penis
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
