Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
