it hurts more in the daytime
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
