So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
