god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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