If that was your dad, he is hot
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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