using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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