i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
