farters have to be the big spoon...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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