He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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