I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
