hotel room ftw
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
