my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
