I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
