oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
not ubering you a puppy
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