I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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