I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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