But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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