That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
