I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
