are you still at the devil's house?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
not ubering you a puppy
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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