then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
