The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
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