Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
