remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
