On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I would fuck him just for his dog
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