put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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