1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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