I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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