Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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