Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
