the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
