You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
