fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
