If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
