She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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