Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
