eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
