I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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