I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I wanna passion pit in your ass
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
